Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I didn't do anything with him. He wanted a date for tonight." "Holy crap," Lula said. "And?" Connie said. "And I had a restless night thinking about it," I told them. "I bet," Lula said. "If it was me I would have been burning out the motor on my intimate appliances.

into my comfy T-shirt advertising beer, crawled into bed, and switched the light off. I woke up at sunrise with Ranger next to me. Naked. No surprise there. Ranger always slept naked.

This is the advantage to being an eccentric. Everyone expects you to be eccentric." Emerson

Every time I get social with you I end up all by myself, naked, in the middle of the street." I rolled my eyes. "That only happened once…and you weren't naked. You were wearing socks and a shirt." "I was speaking figuratively. If you want to get specific, what about the time you locked me in a freezer truck with three corpses? What about the time you ran over me with the Buick?" I threw my hands into the air. "Oh sure, bring up the Buick.

Lula fired off a shot that went wide, and Poletti charged Briggs. Grandma swung her purse just as Poletti swept past her. The big black patent leather bag caught Poletti on the side of the head, and Poletti staggered and crashed to the ground. Ranger cuffed him, and the three cops took over.

You do understand that your life isn't normal, right?' 'Barrel was texting and he stepped off the curb without looking,' I said. 'But you were here,' Morelli said. 'How does it happen that you're always in the precise spot when disaster strikes? Your car's been blown up how many times? And it's never your fault. Remember when you fell off a fire escape into dog diarrhea? And the time you dated a serial killer?' 'I liked that serial killer,' Lula said. 'He could make a damn good pork chop.

You're working with a guy named Tank? He's big. Jesus, Morelli said. I had to fall in love with a woman who works with a guy named Tank. You love me? Of course I love you. I just don't want to marry you.

You're afraid if you catch this guy, you'll lose the excitement in your life and the goal-oriented sense of purpose that drives you.

You don't mind if I take a picture of this guy with my cell phone, do you? I need to prove he's dead.' 'Knock yourself out,' Morelli said. 'Last time an FTA of yours went dead you asked the EMTs to drive him to the courthouse.' 'There's a lot of paperwork when the FTA is dead,' I said. 'It's easier when you can have him show up in court.

Omigod. He gave you a car? He said it was an investment in our working relationship. What does that mean? What kind of car is it? A new Porsche. That's at least oral sex. Be serious! I said. Okay, the truth is . . . It's beyond oral sex. It could be, you know, butt stuff. I'll return the car. Stephanie, this is a Porsche! And I think he's flirting with me, but I'm not sure.

There was only one way I could see managing this. I got out, ran around the car, opened his door, and straddled him with one leg outside and one foot on the console. Beeeeeep! My ass was on the horn. Beeeep, beeeep, beeeep, beepbeepbeepbeepbeep! A bead of sweat streaked down the side of Ranger's face. "Babe.

But in my experience, the virtuous are usually the first to die.

A man who does not know fear cannot die, because death has no place to enter." Vernon

It says here she held up a Frito-Lay truck?" "Apparently she was on that no-carbohydrate diet, got her period and snapped when she saw the truck parked in front of a convenience store. Just got whacked out at the thought of all those chips. She threatened the driver with a nail file, filled her car with bags of Fritos, and took off, leaving the driver standing there in front of his empty truck.

Stroll around and look sexy, ask annoying questions, in general get on everyone's nerves. All those things that come naturally to you.

I'll have one of my men drop a car off for you." "Thanks. I'll try not to lose it." "If you can manage to keep it intact for a week, it's yours. If it gets stolen, blown up, crushed by a garbage truck, set on fire, filled with cement, or dies an untimely death by any other means, I'll expect you to spend the night with me.

This here's the twenty-first century. Just 'cause we're women don't mean we can't be sick as men.

Greeks thought there were four kinds of love. Storge, or familial love. Philia, or friendship. Eros, or romantic love, and agape, or unconditional love.

Shakespeare. "To do a great right, do a little wrong.

So all you have to do is get in touch with Spider-Man?

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn." "She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action.

Ranger is a bounty hunter, like me. Only Ranger is good. He's close to my age, give or take a few years; he's Cuban-American; and I'm pretty sure he only kills bad guys.

I'm not spectral, but I've been told I can be pretty damn phenomenal.

Then you know that my portrayal was dead-on. He breaks into homes and asks children to eat him. He's obviously not a well-adjusted pancake.