Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy.

Every two feet there seemed be another Leonidas chocolate café, the Starbucks of Belgium. The Leonidas cafés were inescapable, so she surrendered and got herself a hot chocolate.

You're carrying concealed without a permit." "It's okay," Lula said. "It's like common-law marriage. After a certain amount of time, it gets to be legal, and you don't need the paper.

You never know about people," Lula said. "One minute they're prom queen and then next thing they're whackadoodle.

You need a cat," Lula said. "A cat?" "Yeah. I read an article online about how people are getting therapy cats on account of cats are good companions. We could go to the shelter and pick one out for you." "That's a big responsibility. I don't think I'm ready for a cat." "Well, your life can't be all that bad if you don't want a cat." "A cat isn't going to fix my job.

Women grow up wary, and men grow up thinking they're immortal.

Thanks, but I'll work rooms are better." Rafter said. "I can't sleep with her. She's a cutie pie, but she snores and drools.

Morelli had always seemed invincible to me. He waded through crap every day and it all washed off in the shower. Even as a kid he was constantly getting into trouble and landing on his feet. He broke his leg and he was fine. He was shot and he was fine. Never defeated. And now he was the victim of cramping and diarrhea and he wasn't sounding good.

He was the same size as Diesel, but he appeared slimmer, less Thor Ragnarok, more Dr. Strange.

Never underestimate maternal rage.

Of course, you need protecting.

He was a cop. Got kicked off the force for demanding favors from prostitutes of both genders. We used to call him Morty the Mole because he'd bury his doodah in whatever hole was available.

Welcome to Château du Roi," Carter said. Of course the house had a name, Kate thought, and one about as subtle as the three cars out front. Castle of the King. She decided to name her apartment something classy when she got back to L.A. Her place overlooked a gas station, so maybe Château du Chevronview.

It's a known fact that you get fucked at the drive-thru.

Scary gets to be the new normal.

Clara and I retraced our steps and returned to the speakeasy. Josh and Carl were playing checkers in the dim light. "Who's winning?" I asked. "Carl is winning," Glo said. "If we don't let him win he pitches a tantrum and throws the checkers all around the room.

I exchanged glances with my mother and Grandma. None of us wanted to tell my father about the contract on Grandma. "Mistaken identity," I said. "Prank," my mother said. "Damn aliens," Grandma said.

Jeez, Dougie," I said, "I thought you were dead." "Naw, I just wished I was dead. My dad got transferred to Arkansas, so I went with them, but I'm telling you, Arkansas was no place for me. No action, you know what I mean? And if you want to go to the ocean it takes days." "Are

I'd criticized foreign governments for using chemical warfare, and here I was buying nerve gas from a woman who waxed off all her pubic hair.

A half hour later I was back in the very same parking space, feeling much more comfortable and twice as bored. I'd brought a book back with me, but it was hard to read and sweat at the same time, and sweating took precedence.

I can't help it. I'm just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbecue gas." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me," she said.

Ordinarily, a trip from Westwood to downtown Los Angeles took an hour. But Kate drove with the pedal to the floor, weaving wildly through traffic. She got there in twenty minutes and even managed to eat one of her Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuits on the way.

Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it.

How we explain coincidences depends on how we see the world. Is everything connected or do things merely co-occur? It's all in how you think.