Quotes from Will Rogers

We have the best Congress money can buy.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Youve got to be [an] optimist to be a Democrat, and youve got to be a humorist to stay one.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.

There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin'. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Common sense ain't common.

Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.

When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?