Quotes from Bob Hope

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

Lots of travel, away from home.

We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot...At least he can't cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it, shank it, hit all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink

it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance–waiting for the bathroom.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

It was probably a coincidence, but right after I was born, my mom and dad left town.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.