Quotes from Bob Hope

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.

In his prime, the young comic walked onto a stage with the confidence of a man who owned it, and by the time he walked off, he did.

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.