Quotes from Bob Hope

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.