Quotes from Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

if you were to be loved be loveable

Until you've seen them, you have no conception of their courage.

I made so many B pictures I began to get fan mail from hornets...and for me that was an improvement.

Instead of taking a quiet nap as I should have been doing, I spent the afternoon in a teeming anthill of cutthroats, pickpockets, and shady characters who'd committed every crime in the book. Including one I couldn't forgive them for - no one asked me for my autograph.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

It you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

My father told me all about the birds and bees. The liar — I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.