Quotes from Christopher Moore

Yeah, and don't think it's easy finding Ray-Bans in a fruit-bat medium.

You know, he doesn't have to be the only one bopped in the noggin when noggin-boppin' time rolls around.

Jesus was a good guy, he didn't need this shit.

When your best friend is the son of God, you get tired of losing every argument.

It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.

evil is our trade, but not so deep a darkness as politics.

She was twentysix and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room; cute but not beautiful.

The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection - this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.

Henri was giggling now, barely able to contain himself. So I'm to shovel coal into my shoes hoping no one notices, while smoke and steam - what of the vapor? There's little more smoke than a cigar, and the steam would be barely visible by gas lamp. It vents out the back of your trousers, under the tail of your coat. Marvelous! said Henri. I use a similar port for my own vapors. I want to try them, immediately.

He's not dumb, Biff, he just has a talent for belief.

She could hear wisps of fog brushing against the buildings like wet velvet.

Alive, Kimi interrupted. I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get new navigator. Roberto say you mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, milk-drinking, American dog f*cker. I don't drink milk, Tuck said. Ha! Won that round.

he looked like one of those dried-up faces you carve out of an apple in third grade to teach you that time is cruel and we are all just going to shrivel up and die, so there's no point in getting out of bed.

Is she special? (asks the gay waiter) I thinks she's going to break my heart On arrival of the girl The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!

Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. Accepting that her magic worked was a huge step, yet she was speaking to the evidence. But to be offered the power to rule the world? She wasn't sure her career in exercise instruction had prepared her for this.

in the blink of an eye my beauty becomes but a feast for worms, and I, a forgotten sigh in a sea of nothingness.

Tommy had completely forgotten that he was horny. He had always been horny, and had accepted that he always would be horny. So when Jody sat down across from him and the tsunami of hormones washed over him, he was quite shocked that he had ever forgotten.

You motherfucking kitties need to step the fuck off!

it wasn't so much like the hands of time had stood still here, more like they'd been thrown in the air in exasperation, the clock declaring whatever! I'm outta here.

You are my desire. Eating your luscious love thoughts My Junk Just Dropped Off

You cannot believe what you do not believe, Rumi siad. I am an Untouchable because my karma dictates it.

So, have you seen Flood? she asked. Cop? She added cop with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession

Jody noticed that the kid was focused on the breasts, which were defying gravity, and apparently death itself, by standing there at complete attention

It's easier to keep a secret if people think you're crazy