Quotes from Christopher Moore

I can't write a book like 'Lamb' or 'Fool' every year. It just takes too much research and craft.

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.

I've made a dog's breakfast of English history, geography, 'King Lear,' and the English language in general.

I kind of dislike 'For Whom the Bell Tolls,' but most of Hemingway in general, mainly because his stylistic shenanigans ruined so many young writers of my generation who tried to imitate him. I think, for his time, he moved fiction to a different level stylistically, or at least added to the dialogue, but in our time, he's annoying.

He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.

You want me and I want you. right?" Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right.

Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write. Why me?

I just finished a novel called 'Exult,' by Joe Quirk, last night. It's about hang gliding. I liked his first book, too, 'The Ultimate Rush.' I now know that I never, ever, ever want to go hang gliding, so that's good.

Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell

As Richard Pryor was to Eddie Murphy, that's what Kurt Vonnegut was to me.

Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.

It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.

She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.

It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?

She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Charlie Asher: I accidently shagged a monk last night. Minty Fresh: Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.

Charlie noted that more and more lately, he had a hard time resisting the urge to fuck with people, especially when they insisted upon behaving like idiots.

He was a writer and words were his weapons.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Routine feeds the illusion of safety...