Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.