Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You have got to change those diapers every day. When it says "six to twelve pounds" on the side of the Pampers box, they're not lying. That is all those things will hold.

The only good thing about a singles apartment is that you never had to clean it up. At least not until the day you moved and tried to get the security deposit back. Then you'd argue with the landlord. "No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here. The pizzas were always on the ceiling."

If you pull at babies too hard, they'll spew like a can of beer. I used to shake up my daughter and hand her to people I didn't like. "Hold her just a minute, would ya?"

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.