Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

I know God is real.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

There's no down time any more.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!