Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck