Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don't work there you might live in Wisconsin.

Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.