Quotes from Jeff Foxworthy

As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a $hitload of money.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.