Quotes from Fran Lebowitz

Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.

What I can't be is monogamous. That tends to upset people. I just don't like domestic life.

When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid it wouldn't crash. I was just afraid it was going to circle O'Hare for the rest of my life.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

The second I learned to read in first grade, when I was 5, I preferred it to life. And I still do.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

By the time everyone catches up with you, you're bored.

Whenever I am doing anything else, which is most of the time, even if it is not something like robbing a bank, I feel felonious. Writing is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeeddisheartening, particularly when you've ordered scrambled eggs.

In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well - Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.

Instead of writing it wrong six times and then writing it right, I think it wrong six times and then write it right the seventh time.

I write a sentence a thousand times, changing it all the time to look at it in different ways.

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

When I saw a phone on a plane for the first time, I panicked ... I thought people were going to call me.

China is not a great idea: capitalism and a dictator. It's like the two worst possible things you could imagine together. It's a very bad idea.

What starts love is your ability to stupefy and blind yourself to the point of being able to fall in love. What stops it is waking up.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree.

If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.