Quotes from Fran Lebowitz

The thing you love right away, don't do it, because that's the very thing that's going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

My favorite animal is steak.

Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to buy them a drink.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.