Quotes from Fran Lebowitz

In New York, people are very overbooked.You say, When do you want to have dinner? It's May. They say, What about October? And then they complain: Oh you can't believe how booked up I am.

The Word Lady: Most Often Used to Describe Someone You Wouldn't Want to Talk to for Even Five Minutes.

Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.

When one asks for cream one should receive either cream or the information that the establishment in question favors instead a combination of vegetable oil and cancer-causing initials.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

A salad is not a meal. It is a style.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.

American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

Cold soup is a very tricky thing and it is the rare hostess who can carry it off. More often than not the dinner guest is left with the impression that had he only come a little earlier he could have gotten it while it was still hot.

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death.