Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

NVC Process The concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being How we feel in relation to what we observe The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to.

If we become skilled at giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting.

Quanto mais as pessoas que fazem parte de nossa vida tiverem sido acusadas, punidas ou forçadas a sentirem-se culpadas por não fazerem o que os outros pediram, mais provavelmente elas levarão essa bagagem a todo relacionamento posterior e ouvirão em cada solicitação uma exigência.

Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.

The Sufi poet RUmi once wrote, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

In the world of judgments, our concern centers on "who is what.

The use of the common expression "have to", as in "There are some things you have to do, whether you like it or not," illustrates how personal responsibility for our actions can be obscured in speech. The phrase "makes one feel", as in "You make me feel guilty," is another example of how language facilitates denial of personal responsibility for own feelings and thoughts.

Yes, I can handle your telling me what I did or didn't do, And I can handle your interpretations, but please don't mix the two.

Our language is an imperfect instrument created by ancient and ignorant men. It is an animistic language that invites us to talk about stability and constants, about similarities and normal and kinds, about magical transformations, quick cures, simple problems, and final solutions.

I've looked as hard as I can look but never ever seen a cook; I saw a person who combined ingredients on which we dined

The mature person becomes able to differentiate feelings into as many nuances, strong and passionate experiences, or delicate and sensitive ones as in the different passages of music in a symphony.

Depression is the reward we get for being "good".

Don't just do something, stand there.

If you want to use force to protect your family, guard yourself from attack, fight against wrongdoing, prevent crime, and engage in a so-called "good war," you have been co-opted by the siren song of violence.

We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when (1) we sense a release of tension, or (2) the flow of words comes to a halt.

Likewise, if we find ourselves unable or unwilling to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others. Sometimes, if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.

I scream nonviolently by calling attention to my own desperate needs and pain in the moment.

I'd suggest the best time to interrupt is when we've heard one word more than we want to hear.

And I want him to know the subtle, sneaky, important reason why he was born a human being and not a chair.

In our language there is a word with enormous power to create shame and guilt ("should")

When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?