Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

behind all those messages we've allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being.

When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow. However, if even one member of a group is conscious of the importance of clearly requesting the response that is desired, he or she can extend this consciousness to the group.

We were not meant to succumb to the dictates of should and have to, whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves. And if we do yield and submit to these demands, our actions arise from an energy that is devoid of life-giving joy.

if my partner wants more affection than I'm giving her, she is "needy and dependent." But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is "aloof and insensitive." If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is "picky and compulsive." On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is "sloppy and disorganized.

Always a mask Held in the slim hand whitely Always she had a mask before her face— Truly the wrist Holding it lightly Fitted the task: Sometimes however Was there a shiver, Fingertip quiver, Ever so slightly— Holding the mask? For years and years and years I wondered But dared not ask And then— I blundered, Looked behind the mask, To find Nothing— She had no face. She had become Merely a hand Holding a mask With grace. —Author unknown

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion

However, the most powerful way to communicate that we are making a genuine request is to empathize with people when they don't agree to the request.

Choosing to request rather than demand does not mean we give up when someone says no to our request. It does mean that we don't engage in persuasion until we have empathized with what's preventing the other person from saying yes.

It may appear that the child cares for the parent and feels bad because the parent is suffering. However, if children who assume this kind of responsibility change their behavior in accordance with parental wishes, they are not acting from the heart, but acting to avoid guilt.

An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves—the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place. The process of mourning and self-forgiveness frees us in the direction of learning and growing. In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Conversations often drag on and on, fulfilling no one's needs, because it is unclear whether the initiator of the conversation has gotten what she or he wanted.

Si quieres confundir cualquier situación puedo decirte cómo hacerlo: Mezcla lo que hice con tu reacción al respecto.

The more we interpret noncompliance as rejection, the more likely our requests will be heard as demands. This leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, for the more people hear demands, the less they enjoy being around us.

After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind your choice by completing the statement, I choose to … because I want ….

When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robotlike mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

When we use language which denies choice (for example, words such as should, have to, ought, must, can't, supposed to, etc.), our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

an important form of self-compassion is to make choices motivated purely by our desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, duty, or obligation.

Seu principal mérito é nos ensinar a nos colocarmos no lugar do outro, desenvolvendo a empatia, que é de grande ajuda até em casos mais difíceis de ruptura e má comunicação.

observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.

Assim, quando fazemos algo pouco enaltecedor, nosso desafio é nos autoavaliarmos a cada momento, de modo que nos inspiremos a mudar (1) na direção em que gostaríamos de ir e (2) por respeito e compaixão com nós mesmos, em vez de por ódio, culpa ou vergonha.

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.