Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

the pleasureful feelings engendered by the fulfillment of those needs

Participant: Why, what do you mean?

power based on mutual trust and respect, which makes people open to hearing one another, learning from one another, and giving to one another willingly out of a desire to contribute to one another's well-being, rather than out of a fear of punishment or hope for a reward.

MBR: First, I'd like to know what I said or did that made life more wonderful for you.

Participant: Well, you're so intelligent.

in a more loving manner, and those two things you said provide the direction I was looking for.

It does not surprise me to hear that there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as "good" or "bad" and believe that the "bad" ones deserve to be punished.

I was struck by the crucial role of language and our use of words. I have

Aggression is built into the ego system, which totally focuses on "I, me, and mine" whenever conflict arises.

It is my belief that all such analyses of other human beings are tragic expressions of our own values and needs.

In most cases, however, another step needs to take place before we can expect the other party to connect with what is going on in us. Because it will often be difficult for others to receive our feelings and needs in such situations, if we want them to hear us we would need first to empathize with them. The more we empathize with what leads them to behave in the ways that are not meeting our needs, the more likely it is that they will be able to reciprocate afterwards.

How do we learn to give from the heart in such a way that giving feels like receiving? When things are being done in a human way, I don't think you can tell the giver from the receiver. It's only when we interact with one another in what I call a judging, or judgmental, manner, that giving isn't much fun.

it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.

When we give from the heart, we do so out of the joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person's life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver. The receiver enjoys the gift without worrying about the consequences that accompany gifts given out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for gain. The giver benefits from the enhanced self-esteem that results when we see our efforts contributing to someone's well-being.

the actions that have contributed to our well-being

75 percent of the television programs shown during hours when American children are most likely to be watching, the hero either kills people or beats them up. This violence typically constitutes the "climax" of the show. Viewers, having been taught that bad guys deserve to be punished, take pleasure in watching this violence.

Nonviolent communication does not mandate that we remain completely objective nd refrain from evaluating. It only requires that we maintain a separation between our observations and our evaluations. Nonviolent communication is a process language that discourages static generalizations, instead, evaluations are to be based in observations specific to time and context.

This difficulty in identifying and expressing feelings is common, and in my experience, especially so among lawyers, engineers, police officers, corporate managers, and career military personnel—people whose professional codes discourage them from manifesting emotions.

MBR: I'm not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.

The payoff for Ahimsa isn't that you upgrade the illusion, which is what the ego is always striving to do with more money, possessions, and power. The payoff is that you get to be who you really are. Higher

The payoff for Ahimsa isn't that you upgrade the illusion, which is what the ego is always striving to do with more money, possessions, and power. The payoff is that you get to be who you really are.

Intellectual understanding of a problem blocks the kind of presence that empathy requires. When we are thinking about people's words and listening to how they connect to our theories, we are looking at people - we are not with them.

But, if you want to feel better, I'd like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.

It was these two things you said.