Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.

Every time I mess up is a chance to practice.

Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.

Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.

The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.

Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.

We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry.

People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.

You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less stupid.

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.

Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.

Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.

Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.

Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.