Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs.

Never question the beauty of what you are saying because someone reacts with pain, judgment, criticism. It just means they have not heard you.

With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs

When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.

Classifying and judging people promotes violence.

Always hear the 'Yes' in the 'No'.

Empathy before education.

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Four D's of Disconnection: 1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison); 2. Denial of Responsibility; 3. Demand; 4. 'Deserve' oriented language.

In these long-standing conflicts, I find that most cases it gets resolved in about twenty minutes after each side can tell me the needs of the other.

Make your goal to attend to your underlying needs and to aim for a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved has their needs met also.

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

When we judge others we contribute to violence.

We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

When I recognize I've got anger, then I realize it's because I have a need that's not being met.

The more we talk about the past, the less we heal from it.

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions.

Never do anything that isn't play.

Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.