Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.

We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

peace cannot be built on the foundations of fear.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.

When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.

In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy. If they don't appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.

focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging

Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what's going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.

the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego—your need to possess and control—and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous—large souled. —Sam Keen, philosopher

Don't mix up that which is habitual with that which is natural.

Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on what we are needing and not getting.

What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I've come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don't mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that's only my opinion. —Ruth Bebermeyer

This objective of getting what we want from other people—or getting them to do what we want them to do—threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.

I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion

Let's shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking.