Quotes from Marshall B. Rosenberg

contending parties approach each other with respect. They ask about each other's needs, and in an atmosphere free of passions and prejudices, they reach a connection.

When I advise, "Don't do anything that isn't play!" some take me to be radical, even insane, I earnestly believe, however, that an important form of self-compassion is to make choices motivated purely by our desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, duty, or obligation

What is the life that is going on in me at this moment?

Hurting people is too superficial.

When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.

If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately.

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD

Our need is for the other person to truly hear our pain.

While the effects of negative labels such as "lazy" and "stupid" may be more obvious, even a positive or an apparently neutral label such as "cook" limits our perception of the totality of another person's being.

Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did, this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met.

Conventional compliments often take the form of judgments, however positive, and are sometimes intended to manipulate the behaviour of others. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration.

Anger is a result of life alienated thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyse and judge somebody rather than focus on which of our needs is not being met.

Note the difference between the following expressions of disappointment: Example 1 A: "You disappointed me by not coming over last evening." B: "I was disappointed when you didn't come over, because I wanted to talk over some things that were bothering me." Speaker A attributes responsibility for his disappointment solely to another person's action. Speaker B traces his feeling of disappointment to his own unfulfilled desire.

allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief.

Nonviolent Communication can change the world. More importantly, it can change your life. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Everyone clings to their history with a vengeance because it anchors their identity.

We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs not out of a desire to give from the heart but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we will experience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of those who comply with our values out of a sense of either external or internal coercion.

When we combine observation with evaluation, we decrease the likelihood that others will hear our intended message. Instead, they are apt to hear criticism and thus resist whatever we are saying.

In a world where we're often judged harshly for identifying and revealing our needs, doing so can be very frightening. Women, in particular, are susceptible to criticism. For centuries, the image of the loving woman has been associated with sacrifice and the denial of one's own needs to take care of others. Because women are socialized to view the caretaking of others as their highest duty, they often learn to ignore their own needs.

They give the appearance that the professional is obtaining the information necessary to diagnose and then treat the problem. In fact, such intellectual understanding of a problem blocks the kind of presence that empathy requires. When we are thinking about people's words and listening to how they connect with our theories, we are looking at people - we are not with them.

Marshall, I wish you had taught me two years ago what you taught me this morning. I wouldn't have had to kill my best friend.

We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

I earnestly believe, however, that an important form of self-compassion is to make choices motivated purely by our desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, duty, or obligation.

In his book How to Make Yourself Miserable, Dan Greenburg demonstrates through humor the insidious power that comparative thinking can exert over us. He suggests that if readers have a sincere desire to make life miserable for themselves, they might learn to compare themselves to other people.