Quotes from Dan Gutman

Boy, those were

be that children would explore, learn, and become part of their world. But now they just snap digital pictures of each other, Facebook their friends

let his wife see the White House servants. It's true. Whenever she walked into a room, they had to go hide in a closet.

blow this pop stand

My name is A.J. and I hate it when my school gets attacked by monsters

Principal Klutz seemed nice, but a lot of people seem nice when you first meet them. Then later you find out that they are evil villains who plan to take over the world.

Yeah, if Mickey Mouse was a mass murderer.

And speaking of messy things, did you know that watermelons have really fancy weddings? Well, they cantaloupe.

guys started setting up lights, cameras, and microphones everywhere. Ms. Beard walked around looking us over like a general inspecting the troops. "Oh, this is going to be fabulous!" she said. "It will be the first reality show that takes place in a school. The ratings are going to go through the roof!" "Are we going to be famous like that Snookie lady?" asked Andrea. "That depends on what happens, baby,"2 said Ms. Beard. "This is reality

From now on we will focus on the four Rs: reading, writing, arithmetic, and rules.

George Washington was rich in land but not in money. When he became president of the United States, he had to borrow money from a friend to make the trip to New York City for

Who doesn't like toasted marshmallows?)

would rather watch a ballet than go to school.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.

Can we get out of here now?" Luke finally asked. "By the time we get to 1863, the war will be over.

We are all afraid of something. You cannot get past fear unless you confront it. If you can do that, you can accomplish what appears to be impossible.

You may not believe this," he told me, "but I was a boy once." "Just once?" I asked. "I'm a boy all the time.

to ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME.

in South Carolina it's illegal to keep a horse in a bathtub?

around and looked down the street. Then he looked at the empty spot where the car had been.

alphabet and making farting noises with my armpits. But we all had to take a dumb test

Tyrannosaurus rex?

I hate school. I

Excuse me," said Andrea, raising her hand to ruin everybody's fun like always.