Quotes from Dan Gutman

that everybody has to stop talking.

Roman Technology

WOW," everybody said, which is "MOM" upside down. We all started buzzing again. The teachers looked worried. A few first graders started crying. It was the saddest day in the history of the world.

Sunny and headed back to the beach house. "I have great news, A.J.!" my mom yelled from the porch. "I just got off the phone. One of your friends from school is going to be sharing the house with us!" "Yippee!" I said. "Who is it? Ryan? Michael? Neil?" "No," my mother replied. "It's Andrea Young." WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!! 3 Bummer in the Summer!

My name is A.J. I like football and video games, and I hate school." Our teacher, Miss Daisy, was taking attendance.

The next day there was a sign in front of the school: "Welcome, Ms. LaGrange!" Mr. Klutz was standing at the front door next to a lady I never saw before. Her hair stuck out from under a big chef's hat, and she was wearing an apron with the words "Make Lunch, Not War" on it. "Ms. LaGrange, this is A.J.," Mr. Klutz said when I reached the top of the steps. "Maybe you can get him to eat some vegetables.

Miss Daisy, if I can go to the bathroom even though I don't really have

in 1884, at a shoe store in Vicksburg, a man named Phil Gilbert came up with the idea of selling left and right shoes together in the same box!

Butt cheeks and belly button lint, Fart burgers on toast. I like to eat toenail clippings And earwax the most. Dumbheads and idiots And morons I hate. Armpits and dog doo And snot on my plate.   There

I'm going to finger paint a picture of a tree falling in a forest and crushing a family of happy butterflies until they are dead

Miss Banks pulls lots of pranks

What do you have against violins?" I asked Andrea. "Not violins, Arlo! Violence!

loudspeaker during morning announcements. "Students, there are three more nights to go before vacation," he told us. "I hate to do this, but if you don't reach your goal by Friday, the field trip to Water World will be

They sound delicious!" said Andrea Young, a girl with curly brown hair. She was sitting up real straight in the front of the class with her hands folded like they were attached to each other.

Kids, please don't try this at home. We're professionals.

The Mooseketeers are . . . Ms. Leakey, Ms. Hannah, Mr. Loring, Mr. Macky, Miss Holly, and Mrs. Yonkers. Come

Miss Daisy seemed like a pretty cool lady, for a teacher. Anybody who hated school and liked to sit around watching TV and eating chocolate treats was okay by me. Me and Miss Daisy had a lot in common. Maybe going to school wouldn't be so terrible after all.

I guess Mr. Klutz will have to get another sub for our class," said Emily.

Boys go to Mars to get candy bars. Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

archenemy is

Miss Small is off the wall!

I barely touched her stupid elbow. She was moaning and holding her arm like an elephant stepped on it.

Our lips would be sealed. But not sealed with glue or anything. That would be gross.

Miss Small was the opposite of her name. It was like a fat guy was named Mr. Thin or a dumb guy was named Mr. Smart or a really handsome guy was named Mr. Ugly or…well, you get the idea.