Quotes from Dan Gutman

Hundreds of thousands of silkworms are going to die a horrible death," she bawled, "and I won't be able to do a single thing about

And then the whole hat went up in flames!

Yodel-adle-eedle-idle. Yodel-adle-eedle-idle. Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! Yo-yo yodel-laydee-hoo yodel-laydee-hoo, yodel-laydee-hoo, yodel-laydee-hoo.

was so happy that I almost wanted to give Andrea a hug. Almost.

reupholstered

Oooh! Look at the cute squirrel," all the girls yelled. "It's adorable!" "Kill it!" yelled all the boys.

be here teaching you, I could be home sitting on my comfortable

That was a complete lie. Everybody knows the dungeon is on the third floor.

Do you have a dungeon down in the basement where you put the bad kids?" I asked. "Actually, the dungeon is on the third floor," Principal Klutz replied. Nobody laughed this time. He quickly told us that he was just making a joke and that he didn't even have a dungeon at all. Principal Klutz must have felt bad that we didn't think his joke was funny, because he invited us all up to the front of the room to touch his bald head. We did, and that

Nicholas was yanking our chain. Everybody knows there were no schools in dinosaur times. Besides, it would be hard to ride a dinosaur. They don't even make saddles for them. Dr. Nicholas would have had to ride the dinosaur bareback.

invented Pepsi-Cola in New Bern, North Carolina. He called it Brad's Drink at first and changed it to Pepsi-Cola in 1898. Why? Because "dyspepsia" means indigestion, and Pepsi was supposed to calm the stomach.

The three of us got up and shook our butts at the class.

hypothermia. It's all over before you know it. That is so much more humane than a long, lingering death, don't you think?" Coke was shivering, and his feet were

air," Miss Small said. "This will improve your eye-hand coordination. With a little practice, you'll be able to juggle three balls, or three clubs, or three

Today," she said, "we're going to learn about the history of the toilet bowl.

Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "Maybe he rented it," said Michael. "You can rent anything. There's probably a place called Rent-a-Turkey.

We also suggested that Dr. Nicholas teach us about the history of burping, maggots, snakes, and barf.

lectured him, "wind power, solar power

That's right!" said Dr. Nicholas. "So in 1959, Ruth and Elliot decided to make the first Barbie doll. It was eleven and a half inches tall, and it sold for three dollars. It became the most popular doll in the world. Two years later, they came out with Barbie's boyfriend, Ken, and he was named after their son.

never to take candy from strangers

Annoying Andrea had on her mean face. She was mad because I came up with a great idea and she didn't. Mr. Cooper wrote down my idea and sent it to the

But it's not cool to laugh at your parents' jokes, as you well know.

just joking!" I protested. "I hate poetry." "Come on, A.J.," said

We have lunch in the vomitorium. It used to be called the cafetorium until some kid threw up in there last year. It was gross.