Quotes from Dan Gutman

I'm sorry!" I moaned. "Oh man, I messed up big time! How could I have been so stupid?

Come on, A.J.

story I ever heard!" Emily said. Then she started

Michael had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Alexia had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Neil the nude kid had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Just about everybody had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

My name is A.J. and I hate school. It was Monday morning. I had just walked into Mr. Granite's third-grade class. Everybody was putting stuff into their cubbies. My friends Ryan and Michael

Dumb Miss Daisy and Principal Klutz

he'll have me bloody head.

Why are grown-ups constantly running out of straws? I offered to bring some more straws from home, but Mrs. Cooney said she didn't want them. "Nah-nah-nah boo-boo," Michael whispered when I went to sit in the hall. I was in love with Mrs. Cooney, but she sure wasn't in love with me.

library period, the army guy with the wig said that he was George Washington. After a while, we started calling him George Washington. "General Washington," I asked, "may I go to the bathroom?" Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny. Kids think anything to do with bathrooms is funny.

Then we'd have to go to Dirk School, which is a school for dorks on the other side of town.

Clean up! Clean up! Everybody everywhere. Clean up! Clean up! Everybody, do your share.

My Weird School Trivia Questions ?The

Ms. Hannah spun around so we could get the full effect of her new dress. "It's beautiful!

I see London, I see France I see Emily's underpants.

wish I had a penguin. Penguins are cool. But my parents won't get me one because they live in Antarctica. Penguins, that is. Not my parents. My parents live at home with me. "EEEEEEEK!" screamed this

It was called 'la Petite Roche,' which means 'the little rock' in French.

If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

we walked into the lab, Mrs. Yonkers was sitting on top of her desk, and her computer was on her chair. That was weird. You're supposed to sit on your chair with the computer on your desk. It was also weird that Mrs.

That was totally not fair.

Three months is 12 weeks. That's 12 whole weeks with no Andrea! I got a calculator for Christmas, and I figured it out. Twelve weeks times 7 days in a week is 84 days. That's 84 days with no Andrea! And 84 days times 24 hours in a day is 2,016 hours. That's 2,016 hours with no Andrea! And 2,016 hours times 60 minutes in an hour is 120,960 minutes. That's 120,960 minutes with no Andrea! And 120,960 minutes times 60 seconds in a minute is 7,257,600 seconds.

I love butterflies," Andrea said. "I'm going to finger paint a picture of a happy family of butterflies." "I'm going to finger paint a picture of a tree in a forest where your butterflies can live," said Emily. "I'm going to finger paint a picture of a tree falling in a forest and crushing a family of happy butterflies until they are dead," I said.

My name is A.J. and I hate the morning announcements

It was over. But I would have their baseball cards to help me remember them forever. And the rest is history.

Ooooo!" Ryan said. "A.J. and Andrea have great chemistry together. They must be in love!" "When are you gonna get married?" asked Michael.