Quotes from Dan Gutman

In 1846, George Donner and his brother Jacob, Illinois farmers, set out for the promise of California in covered wagons with several families, including their own. They took a shortcut that turned out to be a longer route, hit bad weather, ran out of food, and resorted to cannibalism (yes, that means eating each other). Only a few members of the party survived.

2015, lampposts were falling down in San Diego. You'll never believe why. Dogs were peeing on them, and a chemical in the urine was rotting the metal! Also, when dogs poop, they like to choose their direction based on the Earth's magnetic field!

Don't ever step on a driver ant. If you do, fifty million of its pals could swarm all over you. Great. That's all I need, to be attacked by ants. I'd rather be attacked by ants than by a golden poison dart frog. It has enough poison in it to kill ten grown men. In that case, I'm glad I'm not a grown man yet.

Fiction is what you get when you rub two things together," I said. Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny.

do you think MM stands for?" I asked. "March Madness?" replied Michael, who never ties his shoes. "Marilyn Monroe?" said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "Mickey Mouse?" said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "My Mom?" said Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time. Everybody was buzzing, which was weird because we're not bees.

We were on pins and needles.

I'd rather be attacked by ants than by a golden poison dart frog. It has enough poison in it to kill ten grown men. In that case, I'm glad I'm not a grown man yet. But I bet a golden poison dart frog wouldn't want to get into a fight with a blue-ringed octopus. It's only the size of a golf ball, but it has enough venom to kill twenty-six people.

PRINCIPAL SPENCE?!

spitting in

It was like she just disappeared," I said. "We didn't chase her with scissors

I was scared. I had never been to the principal's office before.

Ms. Leakey and Mr. Granite hugged each other. They had a hard time separating after that because they were covered with glue. Everybody laughed.

My name is A.J. and I hate school. If you ask me, they shouldn't teach kids how to read and write in school. They shouldn't teach math. They should teach kids how to do tricks on their bikes. That's what I want to learn!

My story was about these giant man-eating monsters fighting on trick bikes in outer space until they were all dead. I drew cool pictures to go with it. Emily, this girl with red hair, said my story was scary. But Emily thinks everything is scary. Miss Daisy said I had a good imagination, but she asked me if next time

That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells.

The guys and I all agreed that sword fighting was cool. Instead of us playing games in fizz ed, they should let us fight with swords. All that running and jumping and stabbing each other would be good exercise.

We were arguing about it when all of a sudden some funny-looking guy marched into our classroom. He was all dressed up in a fancy army uniform. He had a white wig on his head and a sword in his hand. "To be prepared for war is the best way to keep the peace!" the army guy said. Then he marched out of the classroom.

the year 1790. Computers haven't been invented yet.

When the blood rushes to my head, it helps me think." Well, I know that blood rushing to your head doesn't help you grow hair, because Mr. Klutz had no hair on his head at all. He was bald as a balloon.

But I guess until somebody invents a computer you plug into your head, we'll just have to keep going to school. Bummer in the summer!

If your blood didn't flow, you would die, Arlo," said Andrea, who calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it.

He looked a little like a lady dressed like an army guy. When he got to the bottom, the army guy with the wig stood all straight and proud at attention. He gave us a salute.

Melvil Whoey?" I asked. "Melvil Dewey was a very famous librarian," Mrs. Roopy said, and her eyes got all bright and sparkly and excited.

Is it true that if we don't return our library books on time you lock us in a dungeon under the school?" I asked. Everybody