Quotes from Craig Ferguson

I wanted to be a rock star.

It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.

Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid, but you move past that and do it anyway, do what you think is right.

I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.

They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

I'm careful with money.

I used to love going fishing. I think it was really about the clothes. Nothing says real man like a vest with 38 pockets and a mesh hat with hooks in it.

Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me.

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.