Quotes from Craig Ferguson

Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.

I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.

I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

Wikipedia celebrates its 12th birthday today. Of course, I have no idea if it's true. I read it on Wikipedia.

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger!

If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing me.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.