Quotes from Jon Stewart

If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.

I want you to admit that there is such a thing as white privilege.

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.

If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.

Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN.

Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. 'My god, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool!

They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.

Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.

That, what we're really seeing in Iraq is not a terrible war, but in fact, just the media's portrayal of it.

Bill Russell, a famous philosopher from Boston Celtics once "When things go bad, things go bad." The [Iraq] war was terribly mismanaged-it was terribly mismanaged.

People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.