Quotes from Chris Rock

Do you know? What the fuck do women want? l know what you want: everything.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

You don't pay taxes-they take taxes.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.

I learned pretty quickly that it's your WORK ETHIC that LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD. Education helps, but I've met failures who have Ph.D.s. I believe the hardest worker is always going to win.

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I'd be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, Gee, I've got something here.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

I have no idea what my best material is. Different people like different things. I'll say this: The political stuff gets the press, but the relationship jokes sell all the seats.

For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president.

Learn how to cook. Read books that will educate you. Get an education. Get a career. And support yourself. And live in a section of town that isn't conducive to violence.

Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.

A man is basically as faithful as his options.

You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.