Quotes from Chris Rock

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I can see the humor in just about any situation. After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out.

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.

I don't need a president with a bucket list!

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.

If I find a comedy club where no one's camera works, I'll go.