Quotes from Chris Rock

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but molested you.

You don't pay taxes–they take taxes.

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession.

No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, "Hey, man, women are crazy," you've got a friend.

Black people dominate sports in the United States - 20 percent of the population and 90 percent of the Final Four. We own this sh*t. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that sh*t too.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

I love being famous. It's almost like being white.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

Hollywood's just not funny.

Men are only as unfaithful as their options.

You got a gun, you don't have to work out.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everyone else.