Quotes from Christopher Moore

I love British cursing - the cadence of it, the joy in the sound of the words, and the vulgarity of it.

I think beta males on an evolutionary basis are much more successful than the alpha males are. You don't hear much about us, but there's a lot more of us out there.

When I was writing 'You Suck,' in 2006, I constructed the diction of the book's narrator, perky Goth girl Abby Normal, from what I read on Goth blog sites.

I was baptized Methodist, but I was mainly raised First Church of NFL, which is to say that my family, especially my father, was much more concerned with watching football on Sundays than attending services.

My fans have great senses of humor and eat too much chocolate.

This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man's talents with his personality.

What love is not torment when a man knows not how to love himself? Talk not of drowning, but attaining your heart's desire by action: Put money in thy purse.

Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk

Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.

That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.

Action based on hope just felt better than the paralysis of certainty.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.

Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe. Now go sweep the steps.

Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.

When you're telling stories, you are actually trying to illuminate some portion of the truth in an artful way. The story may immediately seem to be a lie, but it's like an impressionistic painting - you see the light and the color better than you would with a photo-realistic piece.

One thing that's really delightful is my books tend to attract people who are funny, so I get the benefit of people writing me with things that crack me up.

Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.

Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk

As an author, you spend a lot of time by yourself in a room making clicky noises. It gets pretty insulated. You realize pretty early on in your career that even if this goes well, you could spend all your life in a room alone. Unless you pick projects that are going to get you out doing things, you're not going to actually live your life.

I have that special sort of novelist body of knowledge which is extraordinarily wide and very, very shallow. So I can usually answer the questions on 'Jeopardy,' but never the bonus question.

In fact, he sorely hoped that it would happen, because otherwise, the world made no sense, there was no justice, and life was just a tangled ball of chaos.