Quotes from Fran Lebowitz

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

There were a zillion bad jobs. That doesn't exist any more. I mean, I could wake up one afternoon with zero money and know that by the end of the day, I would have money.

I hate money. It is boring and it is arithmetic. The two things I hate the most.

Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.

Raisins are a thing that lasts, they come in small boxes, and you always feel like eating raisins, even at six in the morning. A raisin is always an appropriate snack.

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.

Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.

This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It's not human nature.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Frenchman: Germans with good food.

The good thing about being in someone else's apartment is it's so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.

The only appropriate response to the question, 'Can I be frank?' is, 'Yes, if I can be Barbara.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.