Quotes from Groucho Marx

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

All people are born alike... except Republicans and Democrats.

Boogey boogey boogey

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer

I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

Trovo la televisione molto educativa. Ogni volta che qualcuno la accende, vado in biblioteca e leggo un buon libro.

Groucho Marx "This is not a book that should be set aside lightly - it should be flung with great force.