Quotes from Karl Pilkington

I've got loads of nieces and nephews.

Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.

Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.

Chinese people age overnight.

I never buy a piece of art. I don't see the point in buying something because I know my eyes will get bored of it eventually.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

We should all love animals.

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny.

I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.

Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be mush.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age.

Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.