Quotes from Ogden Nash

THE GRACKLE The

I am tarred and feathered with Time.

ADVENTURES OF ISABEL Isabel

Cuckoos lead Bohemian lives, They fail as husbands and as wives, Therefore they cynically disparage Everybody else's marriage - Ogden Nash, The Cucko

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on far too long.

I like the duck-billed platypus Because it is anomalous. I like the way it raises its family Partly birdly, partly mammaly. I like its independent attitude. Let no one call it a duck-billed platitude.

I find it very hard to be fair-minded About people who go around being air-minded.

Very Like a Whale

Tonight's December thirty-first, Something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, Like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.