Quotes from Ogden Nash

If called by a panther Don't anther.

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin with a grin.

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

Purity is obscurity.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators all, and I recommend to you this moral: In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.