Quotes from Ogden Nash

You can have my jellyfish I am not sellyfish

There's nothing that keeps it's youth So far as I know, but a tree and the truth

Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.

How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle, And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle. What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me? I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me. Your wife can't be a banshee— Or can she?

How easy for those who do not bulge To not overindulge!

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

Baclli swarm within my portals Such as ne'r conceived by mortals, But, bred by scientists, Wise and hoary in some Olympian laboratory. Bacteria as large as mice With feet of fire and heads of ice, Who never interrupt for slumber Their stomping, elephantine rumba. ( From the poem--- " The Common Cold " )

Hark to the sky of a seagull! He cries because he's not an eagle. Oh, what if you were you silly he-gull? What would you say to your she-gull?

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I could not eat a kangaroo. But many fine Australians do. Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs Prefer him in tasty kangaroo-meringues.

A Caution to Everybody consider the Auk. Becoming extinct before because he forgot out to fly and could only walk. Consider Man, who may well become extinct, Because he forgot how to walk and learned to fly before he thinked.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones

The trouble with a kitten is that....... It eventually becomes a cat!

Were it not for frustration and humiliation I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.

O, money, money, money, I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, But I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.

It's my own dream, I dreamt it, I dreamt that my hair was kempt, then I dremat my true love unkempt it.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

My garden will never make me famous. I'm a horticultural ignoramus. I can't tell a string-bean from a soybean, or even a girl bean from a boy bean

Philo Vance / Needs a kick in the pance.

In the world of mules There are no rules.

I would not engage the wombat In any form of mortal combat.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seagulls I leave no tern unstoned.

I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.

The trouble with a kitten is THAT Eventually it becomes a CAT