Quotes from Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for

My garden will never make me famous, I'm a horticultural ignoramus.

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You have had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You are sunk from a riot of relaxation.

Middle age is when you are sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it is not for you.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

I think that I shall never see, a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.

Poets aren't very useful Because they aren't consumeful or very produceful.

Some primal termite knocked on wood; and tasted it, and found it good. That is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.