Quotes from Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming with love in the cup, whenever you're wrong admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.

How Sunday into Monday melts!

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

Hark to the whimper of the seagull. / He weeps because he's not an ea-gull. / Suppose you were, you silly seagull. / Could you explain it to your she-gull?

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

When I look at you every aged phrase is new, and there are moments when it seems Ive married one of Shakespeares dreams.