Quotes from Ogden Nash

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our children.

No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.

In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.

Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

Too clever is dumb.

Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.

To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you're proper, shut up.