Quotes from George Carlin

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

All music is the blues. All of it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "Gimme that! It's mine!"

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.

Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.

History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.

More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?

At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure

If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.

When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.

We created god in our own image and likeness!