Quotes from George Carlin

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind - the ironic part is that it's presented as a good thing, and its effect is absolutely catastrophic to individuals and to societies.

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette?

Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.

Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice.

Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.

Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet.

Don't just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Life is a zero sum game.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space.

I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.

The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.

Life is a near-death experience.