Quotes from Chris Rock

I live way below my means.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

I realized with Broadway everything written for black people is usually written in the past, and I'm kind of a contemporary guy. I don't think you want to see me in 'Raisin in the Sun'.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"

Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

Men are only as unfaithful as their options.

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing.

There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.

No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.

See, the Black man gotta fly to get to something the white man can walk to.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Money is the best lotion in the world.

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.

God bless America. And no place else.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. Oh my God, they're $4 million in the hole.

I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.

If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let's hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.