Quotes from Garrison Keillor

I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself.

When you're in your 20s, your 30s, even, you have - at least, I had - vast ambitions, and you sit around mooning about these things, and you're depressed, because you haven't done them. And it takes you a long time to come to the realization that if you can't be John Updike, well, then, you can't.

People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.

Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.

What else will do except faith in such a cynical, corrupt time? When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.

I grew up in a fundamentalist protestant family that stressed that we were a select people and so we were to avoid contact with others who did not share our faith.

Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.

In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Don't worry about the past and don't try to solve the future.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average.